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Stephen Hawking, Theoretical Physics, and the Implications Thereof on One Direction

Apr 27, 2015 -- 5:09pm

That title may seem daunting, but it's actually quite amusing. Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking spoke at the Sydney Opera House in Australia on Saturday night by way of hologram (the same technology which allowed Tupac to perform posthumously at Coachella a few years ago), and the fact that he could physically be home while simultaneously speaking live to an arena full of people is cool enough in itself. But it gets better.

After discussing the future of humanity with regard to space travel and our continued existence on earth, answering questions about his personal life, his struggles, and his studies, one girl hit him with this gem of a question:

"What do you think is the cosmological effect of Zayn leaving One Direction and consequently breaking the hearts of millions of teenage girls across the world?"

Photo via Buzzfeed

His response was nothing short of brilliant (click here for the video).

"Finally, a question about something important. My advice to any heartbroken young girl is to pay close attention to the study of theoretical physics. Because one day there may well be proof of multiple universes. It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another different universe. And in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction."

He even went on to add "This girl may like to know that in another possible universe, she and Zayn are happily married."

Of course the Bioshock fans already know that there are constants and variables; there's always a man, always a lighthouse, and always a city. Those are the constants. But at least now we know, thanks to Stephen Hawking, that one of the variables is how many members One Direction has in each different universe.

Mila Kunis is Being Sued for $5K for Stealing a Chicken as a Child

Apr 23, 2015 -- 4:43pm

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Did you see that title? Mila Kunis is apparently being sued for $5,000 by a childhood friend from the Ukraine for stealing her pet chicken 25 years ago. Everything about this is absurd. AND IT GETS BETTER! Check out this video from Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher:

So clearly they aren't taking this remotely seriously, which is good. For one thing, 5 thousand dollars? For one thing, Mila has a net worth of 30 million and Ashton is worth 140, so they have a combined $170 million net worth. Suing them for $5K would be like suing your own childhood friend for 25 bucks. On top of that, there's been no physical lawsuit actually served (although Mila humorously says she feels emotionally served), so odds are this is just an attempt to drum up publicity for the purported plaintiff, Kristina Karo... who just so happens to have a new music video out. On top of that, all this chicken stealing chicanery allegedly went down when Karo was 1 month old, prompting Ashton Kutcher to conclude that she must have been the smartest baby in the world to recall all this so clearly.

I've always loved Mila Kunis, and I think Ashton Kutcher's pretty funny, but this just gave them even more points in my book. Good luck on your $5,000 counter-suit.

It's A Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door

Apr 22, 2015 -- 4:57pm

After spending the last decade inside, an agorophobic woman named Janet Faal finally left her house... and promptly proceeded to fall into an open manhole. Agorophobia, according to Wikipedia (the Central Hub of Human Knowledge) is "an anxiety disorder characterized by anxiety in situations where the sufferer perceives certain environments as dangerous or uncomfortable, often due to the envirionment's vast openness or crowdedness."

Photo via Gawker

So long story short, this woman (whose name coincidentally is prounounced like "fall") had a crippling fear of open spaces and the outdoors, had just decided she wanted to try and conquer that fear, and was rewarded for her efforts by perhaps the most cartoonishly ridiculous type of accident. Actually I take that back, it could have been more cartoonishly ridiculous. A piano could have fallen on her head from an open window.

She sustained a few broken bones and some bruises, but ultimately she's fine, other than the fact that her agorophobia recovery has likely been set back quite a bit.

16 Observations About Today's Teenagers

Apr 21, 2015 -- 5:11pm

Since I get so many calls from teenagers every night, I often find myself wondering what it must be like to be a teen in this generation. A friend of mine recently pointed out that it might be harder than we think due to the prevalence of social media nowadays, the difficulties of which are something I'd never really considered.

Fortunately, Buzzfeed did all the legwork for us. They posed a bunch of questions for modern-day teenagers to answer about their lifestyles, and the results are rather surprising. Check out their findings here... though I'm not sure I buy the notion that most teenagers use dumb internet slang only in ironic fashion.

Photo via Buzzfeed

Raving to the Thomas the Tank Engine Song

Apr 20, 2015 -- 5:28pm

Let's see... Furious 7 dominated the box office for the third weekend straight, Ariana Grande and Big Sean broke up, and Bobbi Kristina Brown is STILL in a coma. Not a whole lot of interesting stuff going on today other than the fact that Ariana Grande is back on the market, but if we're being realistic that's irrelevant, and even if it weren't, I'm not sure she's the type of person I could handle dating anyway, beautiful though she is.

So I might as well share this video, right?

I don't know if this is the actual song the people in this video were dancing to or if it's just overdubbed. If it was the Thomas the Tank Engine song and they were just cutting loose to it, then props to them. If not, it still made me chuckle, so props to whoever put it together. Of course, this isn't the first time someone has used the Thomas the Tank Engine song to great comedic effect. Check this out as well, especially if you're  fan of "Turn Down For What."

Star Wars: The Force Awakens Official Teaser #2

Apr 16, 2015 -- 5:24pm

We're now less than 8 months away from Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens, and the second official teaser hit the internet today. The last line of this trailer... so many nerd feels, man.

Luke, Han, and Chewie are back. brb, geeking out for the rest of the night.

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